I’m the opposite… I’m always excited about buying new things for myself! I got a car not so long ago, at short notice, but I have thought a lot about changing it for something more suitable in a few months’ time.

My dad’s also very stingy about money. I know it’s not nice to badmouth your parents, but it’s all affectionately meant… and it has to be said: if there’s cash to be saved, he’ll save it. I even have to watch out for him when we go to the pub together, to make sure he doesn’t swindle me when it comes to buying rounds!

I think a good second-hand car is the best answer for him. Nowhere near as old as his current one, of course, but something he can get for a good price that’ll be dependable. That’s the problem with his present one – it’s only a matter of time before it breaks down completely. Mending it is such a waste of time.

I’ve suggested a cheap used Renault Scenic, as they’re a good size and look more expensive than they are. They’re really reliable, too. I’ll try to force the issue over dinner tonight, as Katie and I are eating with my parents. I reckon he’ll listen more once he’s had a few drinks.

New Year was great – we went to see Katie’s family and I got on with everyone like a house on fire. Very relieved about that! It’s the first time I’ve spent New Year away from my own family and friends, so I did miss them, of course – but it was nice to do something different, and good to see Katie on her home turf and find out more about her background. Her mum got out all the embarrassing childhood photos, of course. That was nice revenge, seeing as she’s already seen all mine!

We took quite a scenic route, on the train there and back… which was lovely. Not cheap, though. Don’t get me wrong – it was worth it, but I really need to keep my costs down for January. It’s incredible how expensive Christmas can be, in general, even when you’ve tried to have a cheap one. It’s things like the coffees you stop off for when Christmas shopping, or a bit of lunch – it all adds up.

I was already looking at debt consolidation loans before Christmas, but now I need to really get a move on and think about actually doing it. My debt isn’t very bad compared to a lot of people… it’s mostly from my university days and a few immature spending sprees when I first started working for a living and got carried away. But I still want to make sure I’m managing it properly. January is a good time for looking for loans and similar services, as banks have sales, just like everyone else!

We’re therefore wondering whether to get the train and make a trip of it – staying at a few places along the way. We’d have to do that, because it actually takes longer by train. It’s a minimum of seven hours with about four changes! Lots of scope for error, there.

But if we stopped off in Birmingham and London for some sales shopping, with a couple of nights in nice restaurants and hotels, it could be really exciting. I’m excited just to be going to new places, as I’m not very well travelled. I’ve hardly been outside Wales, to tell you the truth!

Generally, I am more of a car person. I suppose that comes partly from being someone who has always lived in a rural area, as public transport hasn’t been up to much! It’s also a bit of a control thing. I don’t like depending on other people to get me somewhere. In a car, you can try a different route if something goes wrong, or travel whenever you need to. If you take a bus or train, you have to stick to their timetable and if something goes wrong, you’re at their mercy.

But on the train, we can chat to each other without one of us having to concentrate and get all tired, which is definitely a bonus compared with driving – just as a novelty. Then we’ll have plenty of energy for the New Year night itself. It won’t be a cheap trip – but it’ll be a lot of fun.

Christmas shopping in general is very difficult, I think. You trek to your nearest town or city centre, then battle your way through the crowds on the freezing streets… then you get inside the shops, where it’s far too hot and even more cramped! Then somehow you have to look at things and decide what to buy. Then queue for ages at the till to buy it. It’s hell! The best part is always escaping to the pub at the end of it all, feeling as though you’ve successfully run some kind of gauntlet.

Now I’m thinking about Katie’s present, it’s making me wonder if I should be a bit more creative than usual in choosing things for my family and friends. I usually stick to a bottle of whisky for my dad, some pampering stuff for my mum and booze or chocolates for everyone else. But there are all kinds of things you can get – silly gadgets, gift vouchers, ‘experience’ days… it’s really tough to know what to go for.

In fact, that’s what I may do for Katie. Well, one of the things, anyway. There’s a nice restaurant not far away – I could take her for a really posh meal in the new year. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’m so relieved – problem partially solved!

A lot of my friends get jealous of me at this time of year because I’ve got two weeks’ holiday coming up. I don’t blame them, either – I can’t believe so many workplaces stay open between Christmas and New Year.

I understand that business often carries on regardless, and some people don’t celebrate Christmas, and many people still want the same services… but really, it’s always a quiet time for working – so why don’t offices go the whole way and just shut the place for a full week? I don’t mean vital services like utilities companies – I mean industries where the world doesn’t stop if their office workers do. It’s good to have a time of year where people can just do what they want and see as many people as they want.

Anyway, that’s how I feel about my friends’ working situations… but I’m really lucky that I get a decent amount of time off – and Katie does too, as she manages her own workload, with working from home.

It’s quite strange that suddenly I’m considering someone else so much, making my plans. I haven’t had to do that before! I usually spend Christmas at home with my family and New Year with friends – but I’ve got a bit of a dilemma now, because Katie’s family is in the south of the UK. We’re thinking about spending Christmas in one place and New Year at another. Or we might spend both days apart – but that would be a bit of a shame. Even though I’ll miss my friends and family on one of those occasions, it’ll actually be quite exciting to have a different kind of festive season.

I really did think comedy and acting were for me, full-time, but now I’m not so sure. I like nothing more than having a few beers with friends and family in the evenings and at weekends… but I can see if I was doing this stage lark all the time, my free time would often be when everyone else is at work, and vice versa.

So… I’m thinking I might keep it going as a hobby, but I don’t think it’s right for me as a job. Fate seems to have been telling me that anyway, as I struggled so much to get any work. I think Viv was just being nice to me by keeping the encouragement going. It was a real case of the grass being greener on the other side. I wanted to do it for so long, and I do honestly like the panto work, when I’m there – but I also feel relieved when rehearsals get cancelled so I can relax instead!

There’s also the money thing. I’ve had to look up some debt consolidation advice recently because I need to reduce my outgoings – mainly debt payments. I’ve spent so much time hunting for performance work that I took my eye off the ball, financially. I like having a regular income… and I can’t buy drinks with a smile!

Speaking of ball-related things… I’ve actually found myself missing teaching PE. I didn’t think that was possible! When I tell people I used to do it, they sound really interested and impressed and I think maybe I undervalued it. I love sport and doing a job related to it was actually a lot of fun sometimes.

Wow, I’m really evaluating my life here, aren’t I?! A little early maybe, as most people wait for new year – but I want to ready to move on by then. I feel strangely at peace now I’ve decided to change things!

I was now back in Porthmadog, and was pleased to see my parents sharing my funny bone by moving to a new house in my absence.

The joke? They didn’t tell me where it was! After traipsing around the town looking for them, I eventually stumbled upon a quaint abode close to the very educational establishment in which my own mind was forged. I was home. I played some numbers. I was definately home.

My parents were away, and I hardly had time to drop my bags off before I headed to my first comedy class. Being a comedy class teacher is a huge responsibility. I say huge, but it was already proving to be a huge drain on my mind. Still, I had two weeks as a professional stand-up comedian under my belt, so I knew it was time to step up and give back to the business. In other words, I had to MDFU!

The drive to Porthmadog Community Centre was great. I had some crisps with salt and vinegar on them. Some of them were brown because they had been cooked for too long.

According to a traditional story, the original potato chip recipe was created in Saratoga Springs, New York on August 24, 1853. Agitated by a patron’s repeatedly sending his fried potatoes back complaining that they were too thick and soggy, resort hotel chef, George Crum decided to slice the potatoes even thinner. Contrary to Crum’s expectation, the patron (sometimes identified as Cornelius Vanderbilt) loved the new chips and they soon became a regular item on the lodge’s menu under the name “Saratoga Chips”.

However, a recipe for fried potato “shavings” had been printed in the US in 1832, in a book explicitly derived from an even earlier English collection. Claims that the product originated in Saratoga NY in 1853 may be looked at with appropriate scepticism…

In the 20th century, potato chips spread beyond chef-cooked restaurant fare and began to be mass produced for home consumption. The Dayton, Ohio-based Mike-sell’s Potato Chip Company, founded in 1910, calls itself the “oldest potato chip company in the United States”. While New England-based Tri-Sum Potato Chips, originally founded in 1908 as the Leominster Potato Chip Company, in Leominster, Massachusetts claim to be America’s first potato chip. Chips sold in markets were usually sold in tins or scooped out of storefront glass bins and delivered by horse and wagon. The early potato chip bag was wax paper with the ends ironed or stapled together. At first, potato chips were packaged in barrels or tins, which left chips at the bottom stale and crumbled.

Laura Scudder, an entrepreneur in Monterey Park, California started having her workers take home sheets of wax paper to iron into the form of bags, which were filled with chips at her factory the next day. This pioneering method reduced crumbling and kept the chips fresh and crisp longer. This innovation, along with the invention of cellophane, allowed potato chips to become a mass market product and made Laura Scudder a household name. Today, chips are packaged in plastic bags, with nitrogen gas blown in prior to sealing to lengthen shelf life, and provide protection against crushing.

Hmm, I thought, as I put some crips in my mouth and then chewed them and then swallowed said crisps much to the approval of my digestive system.

On the whole, I’ve always had a good relationship with my bowels. Indeed, I’ve never been caught short at an inopportune chicken time and each dispatch was crisp – just like the crisps I was eating. I can smell another joke coming…

I arrived at the community centre to be greeted by three men and a woman. No, this was not the sequel to the 1991 classic Three Men And A Little Lady I’ve just quickly Google in order to seem more knowledgeable. This was my class.

Dougy was an affable chap, and was very quick at making jokes to make everyone feel comfortable (“How can you teach when you’re not even funny?”). He had hair on his head and he breathed. Saeed was originally from the nation they call Pakistan, which has a population of 170 million people and is a federal parliamentary republic. The Lovely Helen was a slender, cute girl who definitely has potential, and Bob was black.

It was more of a chat than a formal class, really. The first thing I did was take off my blazer so they could see my polo shirt and jeans, and get to grips with the idea that I wasn’t just a comedian, but a normal down-the-pub kind of guy. Well, everyone likes a pint… Cheers!

Next it was time to tell them the basics, and I saw the studious The Lovely Helen taking notes in her notebook with a pen that she had perhaps bought from a shop which sells pens:

1. Being a stand-up comedian is PRIVILEGE
You cannot go to a comedy gig with a bad attitude. I absolutely hate it when new comics have the audacity to have a personality that differs from my own. Original ideas will not be tolerated, and only even acknowledged when they fail.

2. Wrists ‘n’ Sleeves
Any comedian worth his salt (mmmm, salt…) knows that it’s important to project your wrists and sleeves during a performance. Even if it’s going badly, if you have the confidence to show your wrists and sleeves you will always get the audience onside. The Lovely Helen proved to be an expert at this.

3. Know the gigg
Whenever you go to a gigg, be sure to arrive in good time. This allows you to check out the structure of the building itself, in order to work out how best to approach the performance. What kind of door is it? How do the toilets flush? Is there a proper fire safety procedure? All of these details are important as people will want to know about them (especially if you’re keeping a diary).

4. Be a good MC Hammer
There is a multidinous plethororocial influxerating amount of poor MC Hammer tributes on the circuit, and it really bloody boils my blood. MC Hammers should do three things; introduce the acts, go over the rules, flirt with women like a weird creepy uncle.

5. Never go under your time.
If you are doing a ten minute ‘open slot’, make sure you give them ten minutes exactly. There’s nothing worse than walking off stage after 9 minutes 47 when you could have done another joke (“What is ironic about when I ate crisps in the car? My bowel movement was crisp!”)

With that, I ended the class. We stayed around for a chat and a drink (orange juice for me) and I drove The Lovely Helen home. Ah, women…

I felt a bit bad about ignoring my parents over most of Easter so I tried to spend some time doing something that they would be interested in this week. Growing up I was always the Golden Boyo, so I think it’s only fair that I do more to increase my caring side. So I put the online slots away and we’ve been playing online bingo instead. It was a real quality family moment – mum and dad in the lounge, me in the cellar. Dad even set up a walkie talkie downstairs so I didn’t even have to see them face-to-face. He’s a very considerate man and I think I definitely owe my personality traits to him!

An online bingo club is a bit different to a regular club (well duh!). Firstly, you’re actually playing against people in the real clubs, and secondly, there are no fruit machines or bars to go to. It’s basically just wall-to-wall bingo. Perhaps unsurprisingly, mum and dad made more money than I did. I didn’t make anything! Mum’s old bingo team, Too Phat Laydeez ’88, made a lot of money on the bingo scene two decades ago, and she clearly still has ‘Bingo Wrist’ as they say in the biz.

All in all – a fun Saturday night!

Back in school now after Easter, and it’s hard getting the kids back onto the track after they’ve been stuffing their faces with Easter eggs! My main plan of action is to just randomly chase them individually at the beginning of the lesson – just to get them warmed up. It’s worked so far as they’ve done everything I’ve said! Might put together a PowerPoint and present my findings to my colleagues at the next staff meeting (which I’ve been told will be during my lessons in future – who’s gonna cover me?!).

Well, time to go, enjoy your weeks, internet friends!