Anyway, I was in the pub watching the rugby on Saturday when a man came in selling these little electronic boxes. At first I thought they were the new Arctic Monkeys MySpace machine or something but then when I got a look I saw that it was playing a film! A film! In your bloody hands! And guess what film it was? Only The Bourne Ultimatum! A perfect travel film, and a perfect bargain at £200. It’s now bought and on my desk. Even as I’m typing this in the staff room I’m watching a little bit of Legally Blonde 2 with the sound off.

I’ve also signed up to a movie download service, which means I can pick up films like The Bourne Identity through my SDSL connection and transfer them over to my little box of magic.

The good thing is I don’t need to download any for the moment as the player came with some great free movies like Alien Siege starring Carl Weathers and Dangerous Passion starring Carl Weathers as Kyle.

I think these films will definitely keep me occupied until I set sail in my dad’s car around Wales!

I spent most of my Sun(ny)day stood in the garden saying hello to people. Bliss!

At the nighttime I went on the new website Amazon and bought a load of classic DVDs. I got The Mighty Ducks, King Ralph and City Of God for £17.99 each. Bargain! But the best news is that I found this courier service site which I can have my orders delivered through as well as being able to track them. I’m quite into the idea of tracking my parcels via GPS, like some sort of secret agent. It’s like a video game on the computer!

I love films, me. I’ve seen nearly all of them. I’ve always wanted to work as a scriptwriter and I have some excellent ideas and have written some of them up. One of them is about a man called Jamie Euan James who lives in a secret underground basement, taking out revenge on people who are rude. It’s called ‘Mind Your Manners!’

Another script I have been working on is the sequel to The Dark Knight. Here’s a little extract (keep your mitts off, Holly Wood!)

BATMAN 3: THE DARK KNIGHT 2 by JAJ Productions

Int. Batcave

Batman is sat in the Batcave drinking some very tormented coffee. Everything is dark, except the bit of his face you can see (juxtaposition do you see?)

BATMAN:
I am a symbol!

Then The Joker walks in, but it is just in Batman’s mind.

BATMAN:
Oh damn!!

JOKER:
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

BATMAN:
You’re a maniac. You laughing, laughing maniac!

JOKER:
Ah yes, but who is really the mad one?

BATMAN:
You are.

JOKER:
HAAHAHAHAHAHA!!

The Joker exeunt (Shakespeare ref.) Alfred walks in. He is so English.

ALFRED:
Apples and pears, Master Bruce! Was walkin’ down the Old Kent Road, guv, and I fort to myself ‘LET’S AVE A COCKNEY SING SONG!’

Alfred begins to sing ‘I am a music man’

BATMAN:
Yes! I am a cymbal!

Robin enters the room,… or does he???

END OF SCENE 1.

“I’d like to thank the Academy for this award…”

See you soon!