We’ve also done quite a few other tasks, like helping decorate the school for Christmas. I do enjoy it, but I’d rather be out there running up and down the touchlines. I’m having to have a go on Katie’s exercise machines during the evenings, to make sure I stay in shape!

They’re not bad, actually. She says she watches a TV programme while she’s on them, so she concentrates on that instead of the time, so it seems to go quickly. I’ve tried it, too – though I tend to watch sport, which just reminds me of my timing, so it’s not quite as effective.

In the evenings we’ve been staying in quite a bit, saving up money for Christmas. Katie watches some programmes I don’t really like – girly stuff – so while she’s doing that, I sit on the sofa with my laptop. I don’t only play bingo games and doss about on Facebook, though – I’m always looking for new sporting developments and teaching options.

I’ve also been looking quite a lot at cars, even though if I do change my Clio, it won’t be for a few months yet. I was into the idea of a Renault Megane last week, but now I’m leaning more towards a Renault Laguna. If I’m going to get a bigger vehicle, I might as well get something significantly bigger!

I think Katie might take a bit of convincing, as she’s never played before. We make a night of it, though… we all go down the bingo hall for a couple of hours, then have something to eat and a few drinks afterwards – ideally spending our winnings! It’s great.

I’ve been trying to explain 80 ball bingo to Katie. It’s often played as a side game to the main bingo games and you can play it online, too, so I might try to demonstrate by using the internet before we go along to play in person. We’ll have to watch out, though – with Katie working from home, she might start playing it regularly and become even better than me!

I’m still doing the panto rehearsals, so we have to plan our nights out around that. I am SO glad I decided not to do acting and comedy as a full-time job. Katie and bingo would definitely have been a lot more difficult to fit into my schedule. I don’t want to sound soppy, but I understand now why people go on about relationships so much. I never got it when I was single. It’s so nice to share things. Especially fun things like bingo!

It’s a great community down at the bingo hall. Some of the local pubs do special nights sometimes, too – a bit like pub quizzes. It’s a right laugh. It does sometimes get a bit rowdy and disorganised, though… if you want a serious game, the hall is your best bet.

Interview with…

You and comedy – why and whenceforth you came?!
I came to comedy by way of theatre. I have been performing all my life and after doing a Masters Degree at the Central School of Speech and Drama (London) I decided that stand up would be my life.

What was the best gigg you’ve ever had and what happened?
I have been in many stand up competition finals – Bath New Act, Newbury New Act (‘10 & ‘11) They have been filled with audience, beyond 150, and have been excellent. My biggest gig is any gig where my friends or family turn up as there is always more pressure.

My pre-gigg ritual used to be a nap in the boot of my car. Do you have any rituals or superstitions?
I don’t have any rituals but I do wear the same suit, a white shirt and have to write down my set before I do it to keep it in my head – even if sometimes the set list goes completely out of the window

Do you think your MA in Advanced Theatre Practice from the Central School of Speech and Drama, London was a help to comedy?
My MA was very much anti forth wall and investigated performance that wasn’t set in any sort of theatre surrounding. It very much helps when performing in a small room above a pub or any oddly shaped rooms which were never designed for comedy.

It says on your biography that you like “poking fun at comedians and audiences alike”. What do you mean?
When I wrote that I wanted to use a lot of deconstruction and meta references in my act, I have slightly moved away from that now but it is always something I think about when writing material.

Would you ever “sell out” by doing an advert for the Halifax or something like that?
I think there is a difference between selling out and doing an advert. I’d be happy to advertise certain products but I wouldn’t like to be known as ‘that guy from the advert’

You’ve been praised around the circuit for your ambition and drive. If you could map out your career right now, where would you go, and what would you be driving?
I think it is important to work hard and do as many gigs as possible. I don’t think you can map out a career that changes nearly daily; some gigs get cancelled, some gigs get booked in last minute and you can never know who is in the audience at any time. There are certain gigs I have yet to do but i’m happy to grow and mature in time rather than chase specific gigs/promoters.

What’s your favourite service station snack?
Bacon Fries (frazzles)

“Bacon Fries (frazzles)” – Chris Norton Walker, 2011.

Do you think it’s true that comedians are sometimes a bit fickle and will do anything no matter how daft in order to further their careers or even just talk about themselves?
Comics will sometimes do anything for a laugh. I think if you are that competitive you will do most things to further your career, there are certainly things I have seen people do that I would never do to further my career.

What do you think of Bill Hicks?
Bill Hicks is very talented and always interesting to watch. He was liked more in the UK than in his native US. He drew criticism and did material that was subversive and caused controversy. He did exactly what he wanted to do and spoke for his generation.

When are you going to give up?
I’d like never to give up but I know it will happen at some point, I’m hoping it’ll be after a long and successful career rather than next week!

What would make you stop doing comedy?
Anything that happened to close family members or friends would make me stop for a short while.

Any advice for Welsh comedians? :)
There are some very good new Welsh acts out there and some fine gigs to be doing in Swansea and Cardiff. It’s the same advice for everyone – gig as much as you can and work hard to get better!

OK so if the world had come to an end due to some terrible virus or a bomb, and everyone was dead except for you and an audience and a few acts to entertain their mutating green face, who would the acts be???? You can MC!
I think you’re asking who i’d like to see in my dream gig – It’d be Demitri Martin, Daniel Kitson, Nick Helm and Eddie Izzard.

If you could sum up your comedy journey in approximately seven words, what would they be?
An endless marathon with no finishing point.

CNW
JOJ

Chris Norton Walker – Banbury New Act of the Year Finalist 2010 and 2011

I was now back in Porthmadog, and was pleased to see my parents sharing my funny bone by moving to a new house in my absence.

The joke? They didn’t tell me where it was! After traipsing around the town looking for them, I eventually stumbled upon a quaint abode close to the very educational establishment in which my own mind was forged. I was home. I played some numbers. I was definately home.

My parents were away, and I hardly had time to drop my bags off before I headed to my first comedy class. Being a comedy class teacher is a huge responsibility. I say huge, but it was already proving to be a huge drain on my mind. Still, I had two weeks as a professional stand-up comedian under my belt, so I knew it was time to step up and give back to the business. In other words, I had to MDFU!

The drive to Porthmadog Community Centre was great. I had some crisps with salt and vinegar on them. Some of them were brown because they had been cooked for too long.

According to a traditional story, the original potato chip recipe was created in Saratoga Springs, New York on August 24, 1853. Agitated by a patron’s repeatedly sending his fried potatoes back complaining that they were too thick and soggy, resort hotel chef, George Crum decided to slice the potatoes even thinner. Contrary to Crum’s expectation, the patron (sometimes identified as Cornelius Vanderbilt) loved the new chips and they soon became a regular item on the lodge’s menu under the name “Saratoga Chips”.

However, a recipe for fried potato “shavings” had been printed in the US in 1832, in a book explicitly derived from an even earlier English collection. Claims that the product originated in Saratoga NY in 1853 may be looked at with appropriate scepticism…

In the 20th century, potato chips spread beyond chef-cooked restaurant fare and began to be mass produced for home consumption. The Dayton, Ohio-based Mike-sell’s Potato Chip Company, founded in 1910, calls itself the “oldest potato chip company in the United States”. While New England-based Tri-Sum Potato Chips, originally founded in 1908 as the Leominster Potato Chip Company, in Leominster, Massachusetts claim to be America’s first potato chip. Chips sold in markets were usually sold in tins or scooped out of storefront glass bins and delivered by horse and wagon. The early potato chip bag was wax paper with the ends ironed or stapled together. At first, potato chips were packaged in barrels or tins, which left chips at the bottom stale and crumbled.

Laura Scudder, an entrepreneur in Monterey Park, California started having her workers take home sheets of wax paper to iron into the form of bags, which were filled with chips at her factory the next day. This pioneering method reduced crumbling and kept the chips fresh and crisp longer. This innovation, along with the invention of cellophane, allowed potato chips to become a mass market product and made Laura Scudder a household name. Today, chips are packaged in plastic bags, with nitrogen gas blown in prior to sealing to lengthen shelf life, and provide protection against crushing.

Hmm, I thought, as I put some crips in my mouth and then chewed them and then swallowed said crisps much to the approval of my digestive system.

On the whole, I’ve always had a good relationship with my bowels. Indeed, I’ve never been caught short at an inopportune chicken time and each dispatch was crisp – just like the crisps I was eating. I can smell another joke coming…

I arrived at the community centre to be greeted by three men and a woman. No, this was not the sequel to the 1991 classic Three Men And A Little Lady I’ve just quickly Google in order to seem more knowledgeable. This was my class.

Dougy was an affable chap, and was very quick at making jokes to make everyone feel comfortable (“How can you teach when you’re not even funny?”). He had hair on his head and he breathed. Saeed was originally from the nation they call Pakistan, which has a population of 170 million people and is a federal parliamentary republic. The Lovely Helen was a slender, cute girl who definitely has potential, and Bob was black.

It was more of a chat than a formal class, really. The first thing I did was take off my blazer so they could see my polo shirt and jeans, and get to grips with the idea that I wasn’t just a comedian, but a normal down-the-pub kind of guy. Well, everyone likes a pint… Cheers!

Next it was time to tell them the basics, and I saw the studious The Lovely Helen taking notes in her notebook with a pen that she had perhaps bought from a shop which sells pens:

1. Being a stand-up comedian is PRIVILEGE
You cannot go to a comedy gig with a bad attitude. I absolutely hate it when new comics have the audacity to have a personality that differs from my own. Original ideas will not be tolerated, and only even acknowledged when they fail.

2. Wrists ‘n’ Sleeves
Any comedian worth his salt (mmmm, salt…) knows that it’s important to project your wrists and sleeves during a performance. Even if it’s going badly, if you have the confidence to show your wrists and sleeves you will always get the audience onside. The Lovely Helen proved to be an expert at this.

3. Know the gigg
Whenever you go to a gigg, be sure to arrive in good time. This allows you to check out the structure of the building itself, in order to work out how best to approach the performance. What kind of door is it? How do the toilets flush? Is there a proper fire safety procedure? All of these details are important as people will want to know about them (especially if you’re keeping a diary).

4. Be a good MC Hammer
There is a multidinous plethororocial influxerating amount of poor MC Hammer tributes on the circuit, and it really bloody boils my blood. MC Hammers should do three things; introduce the acts, go over the rules, flirt with women like a weird creepy uncle.

5. Never go under your time.
If you are doing a ten minute ‘open slot’, make sure you give them ten minutes exactly. There’s nothing worse than walking off stage after 9 minutes 47 when you could have done another joke (“What is ironic about when I ate crisps in the car? My bowel movement was crisp!”)

With that, I ended the class. We stayed around for a chat and a drink (orange juice for me) and I drove The Lovely Helen home. Ah, women…

I’d been reading up on Tregaron at an internet cafe the day before. Apparently, it was home to a very famous LSD raid in the 1970s called Operation Julie. Now I have played Operation and it was nothing like this. In the Tregaron version of Operation, they made policemen dress up as hippies and look for drugs. In the version I played, I just had to move some plastic bits around until dad got angry and went upstairs.

So board game were out of the question during my stay in Tregaron, as was a game of online bingo as I couldn’t find a wireless hotpot in the local pub. How was I to spend my time?

Simple enough. Two Tregaron natives called Huw and Rhys Evans train horses for racers all over Britain. I once knew a girl who rode a horse called Isobel. She was very beautiful but I couldn’t talk to her because I would go red in the face (mother called it “the devil’s face jam”). Anyway, I read up on Huw and Rhys and their incredible adventures on horseback and decided what I wanted to do with my afternoon.

After sitting in the car and thinking about being a horse rider for three hours, it was evening. I’d spent my day well and treated myself to two ham sandwiches and a Calyppo. Well, it wasn’t a proper Calyppo, it was a Welsh variant called Phlegm-Pop.

I headed up to my room a very content young man. What a day! I often find that sitting and thinking about doing things is much better than actually doing them, and it’s this attitude that has got me to where I am today!

Next stop: Machynlleth!

One of them was an old man – although you never can be sure on the internet haha! He lives/lived (87 years old) in Rhyl which is quite close to me. A bit of a sunshine-lover, liked to play on the slot machines when he was a lad. Still likes the thrill of gambling, and I thought it was great to communicate with someone I wouldn’t usually. The internet – mad!

I was actually interested in going over to see him in Rhyl. I could have had a go on the 2p machine and picked up a small fortune, would have to go to the bank before spending it though!

Clive had a keen interest in my P.E. lessons, as he has a rather large great grandson. He said he was worried that ‘new Labour’ wasn’t keeping the youngsters fit. I said “Don’t worry Clive, I give them a run for their money when I teach them – quite literally!” He said “LOL”, which I took as his nickname for the little nipper!

So what did I win? Not so much, just enough for three jumps and a bite of the latch (this is what my Grandma used to say at tea time!), but it doesn’t matter because I made a great friend all because of online bingo.

Oh I’ll tell you what! The bloody kids at school have been great this week! Not a peep out of them! I reckon they can sense that I am a universal man, who makes friends of both the young and old.

All in all, not a bad week!

Lawro and Ben are such jokers! Every girl who went past they said that I fancied. I did not! HAHA. My face went red though! What can I say, eh? The lads! Boyos!

Spent Saturday trying to show mum how to play online bingo ahead of her trip to her sister’s and a Buckingham binge. She’s not very computer literature like m,e, and she kept on slapping the printer! I think she’s definitely more suited to playing in clubs than on the computer. There’s too much technology at stake to get her playing online bingo!

Sunday wasn’t a typical Sunday, as it felt like a Saturday, and Monday wasn’t a typical Monday, as it felt like a Sunday. Calendars can be mad sometimes, but I’m glad we got the time off ;)

Back in school today. I’m actually ‘blogging’ from the staff room with a cup of tea. Technology, eh? Most of the staff have gone home now, but I like to hang around and take in the smell of another school day. I also enjoy having banter with Keith the caretaker, who only has one leg. I said to him: “Hey Keith, are you drunk? Because you look legless!” And then he said: “I’m a recovering alcoholic!”

School was OK today. The kids were responsive and good to be around. Sometimes I wonder if they are my best friends, and if they know me better than anyone except for mum and my dog Clive. Clive also has a leg missing, so I think it’s fair to say I’m quite a fan of amputees!

Goodbye!