One of the ‘biggies’ on my road trip across Wales was my stop at Llanidloes. Basically, I’d heard from my friend Gavin that Llanidloes have these things called ‘Fancy Dress Parties’, and they sound a right laugh.
Basically, at these parties people come but dressed up as someone else. Not just anyone – like Mad Alan from next door – but a famous person. Except for women – they usually only come as cats or devils.
Anyway, I made the long drive from Abergavenny to Llanidloes very early so that I could pick up a costume and be wearing it as soon as I arrived. Turns out there aren’t so many fancy dress costume shops on the major Welsh roads.
At about 5pm I pulled my car onto the hard shoulder. This was a real emergency and I needed to consider my next move. Before I knew it, inspiration hit me and a police car appeared in my rear view mirror. I should go as a the police! The driver slowed down, which I think was too give me enough space to get out, and I drove away, giving him the thumbs up out of the window. I was on my way to Llanidloes!
I rolled into Llanidoes at 7pm with my hair fashioned into a stylish mullet and a drab personality, just like Sting. I got out of the car, a rock star going to a real life fancy dress party, so far away from my days in the bingo games chat rooms at home, and shouted: “EVERY STEP YOU TAKE, EVERY MOVE YOU MAK—”
Someone barged into me. He was obviously going to the fancy dress party dressed as a hobo. He approached me and started shouting something nonsensical, probably Welsh. I backed away from my car and thought “What would Sting do?”
However, I didn’t have time to make another smug remark about how The X-Factor is killing music so I just ran.
Then I heard police sirens. I stopped and turned around. The police officer was stood at my car and talking to the man dressed as a hobo. Before long he was hauling him into the back of his car, probably to the Fancy Dress Party. I still didn’t want to go.
I waited five minutes and then got back to my car. Then I got the hell out of Llanidloes.